APPLE VS. THE MISFITS

For the second consecutive year, I'm pulling in a Psycho '78 show on Halloween weekend. They're so cool, they don't even need to update their web site. This cover band sounded so good last year; I floated stageward through a sea of hair and Wild Turkey (mine) and turned into a fist-pumping 13-year old hooligan watching this band salute the Misfits, in which Glenn Danzig proves he's Satan by singing like Elvis Presley. I love the Misfits music dearly; I've calculated that 40 minutes of live Misfits music can add a year to your life. 15 months, if like last year, you hear Attitude and Last Caress back to back. I'm pretty sure I'll sing the beautiful, tender Angelfuck as a lullaby to my kids at night until they can understand English.

In order to get to the 11pm show, I need the medheads at the Soho Apple Store Genius Bar to hurry the hell up so they can fix my Ipod. I've been without it for a week and it's killing me. I've tried exercise, vitamins, heroin...nothing's working.

That's me listed at 8:30 - 9:00. At 10:30, they were already 30 minutes behind schedule: as of 1:40 pm they're still toiling over Maralyn's 12:05 iCrap. This doesn't look good. Even if they pick up the pace, you just know that Eunice R. (8:25) and Crystal H. (8:10) are going to slow this line way down. (I wonder if J M. (7:05) is this guy.)

I will of course bail on the geniuses if I have to, but right now I want everything--the music, the misfits, all of it. gimme gimme gimme.

UPDATE @ 1:53 p.m. They're up to the 1:05 guys. Go geniuses!

UPDATE @ 2:39 p.m. Looks like the geniuses had meth salad sandwiches for lunch; they've caught up even more. They had Aviva O. (2:10) in 'n' out in a snap. Maybe someone's blasting Misfits in the Apple store to keep the pace lively.

UPDATE @ 3:55 p.m. Nosirudeen Q. (3:55) is second in line. Yessir, the Genius Bar is in full swing! Pass the beer nuts!

UPDATE @ 4:42 p.m. and they're definitely caught up, happily working with the 4:30 - 5:00 crowd. I underestimated the Genius Bar -- I've been watching them all day and they've really picked up the pace. I don't know if the customers are leaving happy, but I assume they are -- you don't even get to go into the Apple Store in Soho unless you're happy.

I feel like the Genius Bar's parents today -- proud from a distance. Maybe if any of them are orphans, I'll adopt.

iCry.

UPDATE @ 8:45 p.m. At 5:30 I left work and hopped in a cab. On a whim, I pulled out my iPod, and lo and behold, it works. The battery's very low but it works fine. The Genius Bar was able to fix my iPod *without even touching it.* Their genius is an immutable force which I have not begun to understand.

Eunice R., I never got to know ya. Bring on the Misfits!