OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

The Allman Brothers are 20 times cooler than Lynyrd Skynyrd. How do I know this? The Allman Brothers got stuck in traffic going to Woodstock, said "Fuck it", and went home. Lynyrd Skynyrd? They've never been invited to Woodstock! And if they did, it would have been a lot sleazier. Few people know this, but "That Smell" by Skynyrd was written about a woman who tasted, uh, a little sour. Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the corner? Come on.

On Christmas Day, I was sicker than Moses. I watched 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. Everything I've learned about life was written in the Cliff Notes to the novelization of that movie.*





*Nothing about women. Nothing!**





**Except saying 'OK' to "Watch this romantic comedy with me! Or buy me ice cream! Or else!"