STUPID

Well, it's been a while since I checked in here. I had the stupid sickness, which is like a sleeping sickness only you stay awake with limited brain activity.

My problem is I keep waiting for stuff to happen to me so I can write about it. But now that I'm in my 30s, nothing happens anymore; apparently I have to make things happen.

While I'm figuring out ways to make things happen while staring at a computer and/or tv screen 13-14 hours a day, I continue to take on herculean pointless tasks. Today, I'm trying to pinpoint the day pop music started sucking. One way of looking at it is this is to look at #1 songs. Is the song any good? Has it stood up?

You can find the #1 song on any day on this site. On the day I was born it was "Song Sung Blue" by Neil Diamond, which is a song that is near and dear to my heart. I wore out the labels on my parents' cassette copy of Neil's Greatest Hits, volume 2. I covered the song in college with my band. I sing it occasionally at karaoke, and even performed it by request at an open mic once (although I took it into 'Treatment Bound' by the Replacements). Will Ferrell did a great Neil on SNL a few times including the sublime 'Storytellers' skit. Rick Rubin just produced his last album.

Neil's also got a great tribute band called Super Diamond. Btw, Super Diamond has set the gold standard for naming your tribute band. Don't use some song title, Paradise City, definitely don't use a song title with a dumb pun, Sabbra Cadabra, and for the love of all mudsucking humanity, do not ever call yourself LED ZEPAGAIN. Call yourself Superblack Sabbath! SuperZeppelin! I'd spend good money to see bands called Superwho or Superstyx, even Supercrosby, Superstills & Nash. When I get my Replacements cover band together, we will be called the Superplacements.

Oh, exception: Supertramp tribute bands should just call themselves Tramp.

On my brother's day of birth in 1978, the #1 song was 'Boogie Oogie Oogie' by A Taste of Honey. I heard that song in the grocery store the other day, and it ruined my trip. I was about to make an impulse buy of milk, which I *never* drink anymore. it comes from scary, scary cows! I put it back and headed to the register to get out of that store quickly.

What's worse, Keith Moon died the day my brother was born. Of my three favorite drummers, Keith is the only one who was an actual person. (The others are Animal and Bobby Brady. To me, they're all the same drummer, and in mind I've combined them into one Voltron-like spaz drummer I call 'Bobby Moonimal'.) Until today, I'd blamed Keith's death on my brother's birth. Now I realize that 'Boogie Oogie Oogie' killed Keith Moon. In fact, I think this is what the movie 'Boogie Nights' is about. PT Anderson, maybe I was wrong about you. To my brother: what can I say? I'm sorry I beat you up so many times before you were 2, but I couldn't risk it after you developed long-term memory.

Or is '78 too early? some decent songs hit #1 in the 1980s, like 'Billie Jean' in '83 or 'Kiss' in '86 or 'Jump' in 1984. But does some kid turning 21 today hanging out with his friends take over the jukebox to play 'Careless Whisper'?

See? This is what the stupid sickness does to you. Stay in school.